My Crown

"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband..."  Proverbs 12:4 

Over the past months, I have grown increasingly prideful in my role as the head of my home.  It has led to much grief and condemnation for my wife, Rachel.  My arrogance has come at a pretty bad time, as we have a 3-month old, studly boy, Sam.  So in the midst of feeding the boy with her own body, sleepless nights, hormones-a-ragin', etc., Rachel has had an arrogant husband who thought she should do more so that he could be seen by outsiders as someone who governs his home well... What a tool. 

Notice that all the scriptures addressing the husband's headship and the wife's submission are, in fact, directed to the wife.  To the husband, the Lord says things like this, "love, lay down your life, wash with the water of the Word, present blameless, cherish, nourish, live with in understanding, give honor, do not be harsh."  He never says, "Husbands, be the head of your home." 

This is the same principle as when Jesus corrected his disciples saying, "Nevertheless, do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.” (Luke 10:20).  Authority that rejoices in its own authority cannot understand grace, because grace is about Jesus, not me and what I can do. 

If I'm honest, I do not remember many times when good fruit came from exerting myself as the head of the home.  But when my effort is focused on laying my life down for my wife, there is life in my home.  The challenge for men to be leaders is good and Biblical.  But without the understanding of Christ's sacrificial love, dominant men belittle and devalue their wives, and men who are more passive in nature act out resentfully under the weight of trying to be a dynamic leader.  Both types bring condemnation on their homes.  But my wife is as valuable in the sight of the Lord as I am, and at times it seems even more so. 

The Word is clear that we will be rewarded for how we live our life here.  None of us are deserving of God's grace, but I do not know of anyone more deserving of the Lord's great inheritance than a mother.  What I have seen my wife do in the past 3 months has proven the strength and worth of a woman of God.  I simply could not do it. 

And even more so to the mothers who have not born children (yes, you are a mother): Isaiah 54:1 says "'For the children of the desolate one will be more than the children of her who is married,' says the LORD." I have no idea what that means, other than your reward in eternity will be unfathomable.  The Lord sees you and the Lord values you.  Great is your inheritance!  I encourage all women to read Isaiah 54 and make it your own.  I don't care if you're 75, keep praying, keep hoping.  Sarah was like 90 when Isaac was born.  Can you imagine!

Look at the list of those born to barren women:  Isaac, Jacob, Joseph (3 generations in a row), Samuel, Samson, John the Baptist.  And even Jesus Christ was born to a woman who had never had sex.  This presents a problem in the natural, eh?  But I love the description of how the Lord gave Sarah a son:

"The LORD visited Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did to Sarah as He had promised" (Gen 21:1).  And Sarah said, “God has made laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh over me”(Gen 21:6).  What a picture of pure joy.  With the Lord there is always hope, always mercy.  Blessings to you who hope in Him. 

And to my wife, Rachel:
I've never seen such strength as I did in you on the day that Samuel was born - 22hrs, no drugs, no doctors.  And I've never seen such a noble and righteous cause as the the one the Lord has given you - to raise up a young man of strength in God, daily, hourly, without a break at all.  I cannot wait to see your reward in heaven (can I come over?), not to mention the tremendous fruits that will come from your labors here on earth.  The way you mother my son is supernatural and perfect.  You are an inspiration to me in wisdom... always.  I fight and strive every day to seek the Lord and hear His voice, yet you seem to know Him and hear Him without effort.  In fact, to steal a line from our old Pastor Brady, the voice of the Lord to me more often than not sounds like yours. 

No verse says more about what you are to me than the one at the top of the page - you are my crown.  Yes, I am the head of the home, but you make me shine.  You are the accent of my kingdom, crowning me with beauty and dignity.  When people think of me, they see you, and any public respect I may have is greatly attributed to that fact.  The Lord has anointed you to speak to the depths of the hearts of women and men alike.  You are supernatually unreligous.  What a glorious prize you are.  Yes, you are a "trophy wife", and I'll parade you around any day (you know you love it).  Truly I have received favor from the Lord.  You are beyond beautiful.  I still laugh when I remember the first year of our relationship when I'd think, "Well, this is nice, but has to end soon - she's too hot for me and she knows it."  You did too!  I love the dresses you pick out. 

Please checkout Rachel's blog here: Uncovering Mercy

Fresh Air

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."  2 Corinthians 3:17

Recently, I've been very convicted of a spirit of condemnation.  It first came to me in the way of desiring my family to look and act a certain way so that we could be seen as "godly" by others.  In this, I greatly condemned myself and also my family, pressuring my wife to be a certain way.  I was not "washing her with the water of the word", but in reality calling her unclean by demanding that she live up to my standards.  I was condemning her.

Since then, the Lord has opened my eyes, and I have repented before Him and my wife.  From there, the Lord showed me this verse:

"And let them make Me a sanctuary, that I may dwell in their midst." Exodus 25:8

One of the definitions for sanctuary is "immunity from arrest".  Which to me means no condemnation - though a crime may have been committed, immunity from arrest is granted; i.e. grace.  The Lord showed my wife and I that He wanted our home to be a place where hurting people can come and be given "immunity from arrest" and allowed to heal.  We want our family to be a place where no topic is off limits and no imperfection will be treated as leprosy.  We will not condemn one another, but will always bring our conversations and imperfections to submission under the Lord.

Prior to this eye-opener, I was very hard folks who complained, especially Rachel, my wife.  I hated complaining, and still do.  But I was condemning in my response, not giving a place for healing and grace.  Thus, the wounds of my family were not being allowed to air out.

I work in medical design and construction.  We design and build hospital rooms.  The requirements in America call for us to completely seal every room, so that it is air tight.  The thought is that this will prevent infection and diseases from spreading.  "Just seal it up," is the idea.  "Put a band-aid on it so nobody can see what's in there". 

We also do mission work on hospitals in Africa.  The hospital rooms in Africa are usually large rooms with lots of beds in them.  People with all different ailments and diseases are in one room together.  Surrounding the room is usually lots of open windows.  Most Americans would shutter at the sight.  But infection in these open air hospitals is way less of a problem than in our zip-locked "germ-safe" rooms.  The fresh circulating air in the African hospitals actually brings healing. 

I experience the same effect with my black lab's ears - when I tie them up to let fresh air in, his ear infections heal.  If I do not do that, medications really do not help.  Man-made cleanliness covers up, while God's fresh air brings healing. 

This vision for my family was very freeing for both me and my wife; "like a breath of fresh air".  God is Spirit.  The word spirit is also translated as breath or wind.  The realization for me is that my family is going to have hurts and wounds.  I'm ok with that now.  This is not to allow sin, but to apply the grace of God that brings about repentence and healing.  In that, there is also discipline and consequence, but all is under submission to the Lord.

My home is not going to be a man-made, self-righteous place where we just put a band-aid over a wound, preventing the flow of fresh air. We will be a sanctuary where we bring our hurts and iniquities to the Throne of Grace, allowing the free-flowing Spirit of God to breathe fresh air on our imperfections, so that we will be able to healthily minister; first to one another, and secondly to others that the Lord puts in our path.  

"...where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."